i did not set out to be a role model
but i understand that when you are this good looking
and you place yourself in the public sphere
these responsibilities find you
you might have heard the stories
about me leaving a holiday party
covered in my own vomit
i will neither confirm nor deny this event
i simply encourage you to play it safe
when you ring in the holiday cheer
know your limits, have a designated driver
and i should not have to say this but ...
make sure your beads match your shirt
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